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President Faces Down Monster In Action-Packed Schedule President Faces Down Monster In Action-Packed Schedule
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 168 seconds

The press secretary tells reporters that before the president can defeat the monster, he'll have to defeat his greatest enemy of all: his own doubts.



(Classified) Bill Defends Against Flesh-Eating (Classified) (Classified) Bill Defends Against Flesh-Eating (Classified)
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 106 seconds

Rep. John Haller (R-PA) introduces a bill that will allocate (classified) dollars over the next (classified) years to fight flesh-eating (classified).
More coverage at: http://www.onion.com



The Onion: Press Secretary Spins Wife\ The Onion: Press Secretary Spins Wife's Death As A Positive
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 140 seconds

White House Press Secretary Ted Barrett deflects questions about the gruesome car wreck that killed his wife, instead focusing on the President's agenda.
More coverage at: http://onion.com



Rep. Nelson Proposes The Gary Nelson Personal Pay Raise Bill Rep. Nelson Proposes The Gary Nelson Personal Pay Raise Bill
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 159 seconds

Congressman Gary Nelson has an economic plan to raise his family's standard of living.
More coverage at: http://onion.com



The Onion: Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election The Onion: Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 180 seconds

Our morning show's political correspondent offers tips on how you can seem informed about politics without picking up a single newspaper.



The Onion: Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 08 Election The Onion: Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 08 Election
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 164 seconds

Embarrassed Diebold officials apologized after one of their electronic voting machines prematurely revealed the winner of our upcoming sham election.
More coverage at: http://onion.com



The Onion: Disney Geneticists Debut New Child Stars The Onion: Disney Geneticists Debut New Child Stars
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 161 seconds

Disney claims its latest batch of child stars is so lifelike, youll barely be able to tell they have no souls.



The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is \ The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 182 seconds

Despite arguments against capital punishment, the Justices overwhelmingly approved its use, especially if they get to participate in some executions.



Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 145 seconds

For a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008.
More coverage at: http://onion.com



Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 161 seconds

After comprehending the capricious nature of fate, the Jaguars could not go through with the charade of playing a meaningless football game.